I'm done...

We aren't on the same page...it sucks but i'm doin me now...u couldn't appreciate the word "we"...so goodnite and hurry up 2010.

Ode to whoever cares.

I can't stress the experiences I've gone through in this year alone. I really can't...it's too much, some memories I wanted to forget and others I'm dying to relive again. Even though, the hurt and pain I could have gone without....I know they will shape me into a stronger woman for my future kiddies. This summer on top of this semester has been rough for me....all circulating around him, my family, and my aspirations. Perhaps, my persona is altered a bit for sure....a colder me. A more cautious me...a fuck you pay you me. I'm ready to see things....I'm ready to do things...i'm finna gather 'round the good stuff, eff a damn Pizza Hut. Y'all ain't feedin me...shoot, I'm hardly feedin myself LOL. I'm just trying to do me...with or without you. You know what to do.

....I can't Miss like Mister

Lemme clear my throat...no really. LOL, i have a minor cold which won't turn major bc my immune system is my left hand man, the right hand position is already taken lol. It's a rainy day, but that's not killing me. I love rainy days bc everyone else hates them lol...and while they're busy moping in the storm I'm bringin sunshine to it, yah digg??

I think Kanye is hilarious...I mean who else would have the audacity to go on stage when not scheduled too? True nigganess...lol.

Besides...Beyonce had the best video of all time!

haha, gotta love it...i

love assholery as long as it ain't dealing w/ me feel me.

Oh yeah on another note, Fall is approaching, and I deff can't wait for the weather and to be surrounded by the pretty leaves and see the trees. I JUST LOVE IT! Anywho, let's go over my fall must haves for myself.

1. A pair of boots (tannish brown)-flat
2. More jeans
3. Versatile sweaters
4. Boots w/ a heel
5. New bag
6. Nice Tat
7. Leather Jacket (specifically this Levi jacket i spotted, but get outta here if you think i'ma post it lol so u can jack my swag)
8. Swangin accesories

i'm talkin lights, camera, action....

ayooo. Truthfully speaking, I feel like my life is a movie...minus the glitz, glamor, and extras to do my stunts for me. Therefore, I get all the bruises and broken legs during my action scenes, boy do those actors have it made lol. Anywho, I started my 5th semester of college, ain't nothin but another year smothered w/ BS. I know people say money isn't everything, but it sure seems that way to me...eff what those philanthropists yapp about. I'm gettin hungry for dough...pillsbury should endorse me...but um. My life...well this past year, oh boy. Some say I changed...Some say I'm the same...some ain't say a damn damn. But ugh...let's just say I've gone through life changing experiences...some I would love to forget, but I know I never could; and others I love to remember. Between love and money...(The Dream) I'd say these past 10 months have been rollercoaster-like. All I know is I'm hungry to grasp my future in my palms...like I just wanna fast forward this part right now...so...

Over the summer the padres and me were constantly beefin...and for awhile things will never be the same...I know that for sure....Other relationships have gotten closer, and some a lil more distant than before. But don't be mad at me...I needed "ME" time, to discover what I want/need/and time to evaluate how things were working in my life. And if u can't accept that, fuck it...if u can't get over it. There's much to say, but not to much I feel to spill. I'm the same 'ol G, w/ some acquired knowledge and a few lbz. lighter lol. yeah ya girl's kinda slim now..well slimmer than before. Write ya later.

Everyday is Valentine...Everyday is Christmas.

uh hum.
it's june 10th, happy bday cuzzo...shawty is 21. and i'll be damn 20 on the 13th...ain't that crazy. I've been alive for 20 years! I'm so ready for my life to get on and poppin. I don't like this in between/interferance stuff right now. If ur meant to be in my life be there and act like it, so i can easily maneuver to my good life already got damn. Cuz ur just makin it harder for me to get there the way i see it. sometimes the way i think and the way i process things i wonder if i'm from a diff planet. Like am i seriously on a diff mindset than you? like somethings that are self-explanatory to me may be so foreign to the next...it's fun trying to understand it, but it's starting to urk the fuck outta me. Can't u just please me the way i want you too?...oh yeah bitches, i'm starting to realize the true selves of u individuals. so be my guest and keep showing those colors so i can paint y'all outta my life with ease. i'm a good individual i feel....i just wanna succeed... that's that kobe in me...defense doesn't exist to me, and a double-team is quite flattering. come get it when u ready for it, cuz frankyly i don't think u are.

Summer = new agenda, same interests, && new roles to be played.

Let's see...how exactly am i feelin?
Andre 3k walks in the room and replies, "FEELIN GOOD FEELIN GREAT.."
yeah, that just about sums it up.
Anywho, summer has began and so much has already happened that it's hysterical! First of all, I had a job. Yes, past tense was used...HAD a job lol. You see, I was goin around knockin on doors of my fellow Georgians preaching about the environment. I had this job for 2 days...and on the 2nd I decided that I was goin to throw the towel in like Soulja Boy says on "DonK" lol. Bc the day was horrible...i had old hags telling me that Obama kills babies...I had ppl just not wantin to hear a damn thing i was sayin...i was hott over there by Briarcliff...like WTF...i was like they can keep this...BUT YOU KNOW...i had put my best foot forward and was doing whatever had to be done because i was tryin to get that 3k...but fuck em. How bout when i got to the office they called me in for a "DEBRIEF" and these hoes said i'm cool as fuck basically, but they have to let me go....lol...WTF i didn't even get to QUIT before they FIRED ME! so i say FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT, loudly and proudly lol.
The next portion of my life...let's see where do I begin?
well, let's just say i'm making progress in an aspect of my life that has been dominating mostly everything that i do...and i'll leave it at that.

By the way...i think i'm in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again!
;)

Why do we like to hurt so much?

[HELLO WORLD]

Boy what a day I've had....seemed long, but eventful. I did inventory at the sports arena, took a test, did an experiment (i earned $15), made pancakes for me and mag-mag....napped. WOKE UP, cleaned my room, took a shower, washed my hair, straightened my hair, and i forgot that i cooked dinner as well. I just glanced in the right-bottom corner of my laptop, and it's freakin 3:54 a.m. Yikes!...
Well, no class for this dame...nor work...I don't work anymore actually...the spring season is over...but I do need to grind and grind real quick...I'm thinkin I wanna do me. And do me to the fullest. There's this summer job like as an environmentalist, and u earn between $4,000-$6,000. Therefore, I would be set...I could get a place to stay and actually be able to pay for it, as well as my bartending gig I want...then when i return to school I will definitely still working for the vball team...ugh, a beautiful thing!
However, i didn't intend on sharing this much info...I actually wanted to share one of my favorite rock bands with you. I absolutely love PARAMORE!
Tonight, all I've listened to was this paramore playlist that i've favorited on IMEEM that I found over Christmas break...when I tell you I can relate to every song, I am not lying. Hayley, the lead singer, is so fuckin awesome...I had to bust that one out...they're so ill....the chords they play...Hayley's voice is amazinggggggggggg...and guess what? shawty has a gap like me lol =)...oh man, i'd kill to see them in concert. EVERY DAMN SONG....how can you accomplish something like that? Although i'm a hip-hop fiend, I find myself relating more to rock bands...you know? The love cries, the injustices, the pain, the hurt, real-life things from a day-to-day basis...that's me. So, thank you Paramore...i'm listening.

mirror, mirror, on the wall...Who's the fairest of them all?

so I heard that money, power, & respect is the key to life...or maybe the L.O.X. just told me that. Whatever the case maybe I believe it....lol. C.R.E.A.M., you name the game. Life is crazy man, things never cease as long as the globe keeps circlin' round the sun...So maybe the sun is the OFFICIAL "key" to life. SO, Spring is here....just another season. You know how they do...come and go, like dead-beat dads.
On another topic...
today i went to the Cinefest to watch a movie and basically KILL time...I saw "BLINDNESS" well 3/4 of it. IT was weird as hell...but it made me think. What if i was blind?? Would i be concerned about my clothing? My appearance? Who I'm crushin on? Who's crushin on me? Some say life would be easier for some. BUT DAMN sight is a beautiful thing. Being able to see how things work, what the definition of beauty is, the outdoors (although I'm not a fan lol), your loved ones...man the list goes on. All I can say is that Gifts come in all shapes and sizes and most importantly, different packages.
----killaaaaaa

never pay attention to the rumors and what they assume

At times I fret about possible outcomes to any given situation. But as long as I have my damn music and headphones, ain't ish gonna worry me. Ye says I'm paranoid...Pac knows there's nothing I won't do for love, Drake knows I'm the effin best, Brandy knows I wanna be down, Aaliyah co-signs me on bein one in a milli, and Wayne wouldn't care if i was a damn prostitute. So as long as my ears don't fail me (foxy brown) my industry homies have my back...they see the unknown...and I'd like to thank you for that.... When I have my doubts, y'all confirm my faith before ne one else. With ur melodic hooks, crazy punch lines, and verb usage...there's no better way to tell me a story. "Swallow Me" in the words of Esthero...now that's a big ass gulp. But above them all "Sky is the Limit" correct me if I'm wrong. Life is an enigma, and i spend too much of it trying to solve it. What's meant to be will be, take me as i am motherfucka.

music/videos...i am feeling, ooh yes.

So...I don't really watch T.V. that much when I'm on campus...And when I turn the T.V. on it's generally on the channel my roommate's left it on. Which is something with not much substance like 'Bad Girls Club'. However, I made an effort to catch Kid CuDi and Kanye's appearance on 106 and Park about a week or two ago. There, they both released their new videos. Kanye with "Welcome to Heartbreak" and CuDi with "Day N' Nite." So I will leave those here as well as Wayne's latest "Prom Queen" I like this video. For one, he looks ADORABLE and his hair looks sooo good lol. So enjoy!!!

Kid Cudi- Day n Nite

Lil Wayne - Prom Queen [Official Music Video]

Welcome to Heartbreak

Also, this is a bit late...but ughh Drake 'Drizzy' Rogers, yes the yellow kidd that used to play up on DeGrassi lol. His mixtape So Far Gone, I honestly don't think it could've been any better or been released at a better time. Some will say it sounds like 808's...okay maybe a track or two...but damn, give the dude props. "Best I've Ever Had" is freaking genuis..."Uptown"...all of them really. So, if you have not downloaded it, please do yourself the favor!

catch me if you can.

i'm not big on regrets...
in fact that word is almost nonexistent to me. It seems to be an insult actually.
so if i say this don't take offense, i just ran across some thoughts in the last 24.

you ever come across something that once it's past a certain point, there's no turning back?
a horrible place to be, especially if it doesn't end up where u want it. i don't wanna say i regret these events...but DAMN, why me? I'm a wholesome person...and a good person at that. i feel so vulnerable and yucky. i don't like what i'm becoming. i wanna go back to being emotionless and quick...back to the Killa i've always been. i'm crazy, like my mind fuckin has me goin nuts inside. and then it's crazy bc i can feel my damn heartbeat about to explode. this has been happening to me for sometime now. it's like i've never been suicidal none of that/i'm not that type of insane...but shit...i can't take it...i need a vent, i need a way out....

prayer here i come.

I ain't cocky I'm just stating the obvious.

An ode to my bestfriend....
I try to be there for you in all ways possible and I know u try to do the same.
I put you before lots of things I prolly shouldn't, but b/c it's you, it makes it exceptionable.
I love things about you I would normally hate.
I know you're sorry for doing certain things to me.
I apologize for what I've done too.
Sometimes things seem harder than they really are, and half of the time u make things easier.
The other half, you'd rather make me find my way out.
I think about what you're doing when you're not with me wayyyyyyy too much.
Shaw, Bay, L, Shawty Lo Mein, Cho-day-----
I'm here for you no matter what....I'm a woman of my word. I got you.
Things are extremely hard for me....but I know it won't be for long.
You know me too well, you're my other half.
I feel incomplete without you....i apologize.
I know I acted a donkey in the lobby....
I still don't know what came over me, I guess sometimes when u want something so bad, u eventually drive yourself crazy enuff..
I miss you.
I need you.
&&
I LOVE YOU.
LARCE JACKSON MAGNIFICENT CARTER V




me + you= the perfect equal inequality
see you tomorrow, happy vday mister carter.

The Quiet things that No One Ever KNows.

OH man...I think I popped a freakin blood vessel in my right eye. THIS ISH IS KiLLIN ME! I can hardly get my eye off my mind which is on my mind which is usually on my money...that i don't have lol. Well, it's a Thursday, and I am pretty much content w/ my life except for a couple of things...that I have no idea how to go about.

Why don't you watch this video to know exactly what I'm talking about...



Anywho...I haven't dropped anything about fashion in a sec...so lemme tell you what's rockin my socks at the moment..


--these go sooo hard!
--peep the back view!



---i'd make love to these lol


---i don't speak francois...lol but i think it says somethin bout a freak lol


---i've been eyeing this for awhile now...AMERICAN PRIDE!!!

Oh...And I forgot to mention that I definitely have a skateboard now, and I have been trying to learn to skate...Thanx to my lil sis Taz for buyin me the board for Christmas and Xavi bein my coach lol...i feel 2x on my behind...OUCH!

--the evidence lol

iTz a dirty game and rule number 1....C.R.E.A.M.

Now, I've made up my mind.

No one will ever understand my train my thought. And darling, if you don't get me, I don't have time to explain myself....

---I'm really not a complex person. Atleast I try not to be. BUT WHATEVER I AM, I'M NOT GONNA BE CHANGING FOR YOU, YOU, OR YOU OVER THERE HIDING BEHIND THE TRASHCAN. I've never questioned why I was the way I was until now. And I hope I never do this to my being again. Sometimes as humans, yes we are humans, we want to feel superior to all things and I found out that it's impossible. And this is why i think Wayne calls hisself a Martian...not only cuz of his rare rapping talents, but bc he's trained hisself to not give a damn bout you or me. Yep, it's true...you can have a high for awhile...but b/c we aren't immune to emotions and all that bull, WE CAN'T BE BIG AND BAD 24/7. Sure...you can FAKE IT...but deep down, you know what the deal is. Your feelings got in the way, and ur trying to cover it up, for the sake of yourself and don't want to bless the other party w/ knowledge of knowing THEY got to you.

---So this is life huh??? Lessons learned, knowlegde gained, knowledge shared, love given...and none recieved back. OR maybe that's MY LIFE lol. I once heard that hard times call for high times...but that's not even my style. I'm too cute for black lips && that other jive. So...in the words of many rappers, chase the money---everything else will flock with it. INCLUDING THE UNWANTED!!!! Damn....it's so hard to shrug my shoulders about things that I wanna wild out on, but after my nap I took earlier today I learned that's my only way out...

Green Eggs and Ham

Have u ever wondered what that green eggs and ham combo tasted like...Dr. Seuss was on some other ish forreal lol....I mean green eggs?!?! Did it come from the hulk's anus? Anyways, this just crossed my mind, I mos def didn't intend on writing about my childhood memoirs.

Anywho...I love to laugh....it does a lot for my whole being forreal. Maybe this is why I resort to comedies and such. So what gets me rollin? The effin fighting scene from Pineapple Express... can u say hilario??? Watch for yourself.



Another video that can make any rainy day sunny is watching my homie w/ tourettes (LUDACHRIST style of course!)



Thanx for watching.
Amz

Is there something FxXking Wrong w/ ME?

If I could be a hero....I'd wanna be Wonder Woman!!!!!

why??? BC she's a bad chick....All I know is that I was playing some video game on XBOX, I can't think of the name right now...but I was whoopin BE-HIND! Of course I didn't know what buttons I was pressin, but my combos were sickkkk somehow. However, I'm not sure of all of her powers so let's browse the net for a glance.

Wonder Woman's powers: (dcanimated.wikia.com)

Diana was "blessed by the gods" with amazing speed and strength. She also possessed the power of flight, silver bracelets that can deflect all sorts of projectiles, and an indestructible golden lasso. She wears "armor" created by the Greek god Hephaestus. Initially, the armor was taken by Diana without permission. While going to reseat Hades on his throne in the underworld Diana's mother, Hippolyta, "unlocked" the armor and said that Wonder Woman would understand the full powers of it in time.
Wonder Woman provided additional muscle to the Justice League lineup, besides Superman. In addition, she was adept at providing cover for her allies, utilizing her "bullets and bracelets" routine to deflect artillery fire, lasers, and Green Lantern-style energy beams and constructs.[2] Also of note was her golden lasso, which has proven useful in the seizure of weapons,[3] the restraining of opponents,[4] and even the redirecting of missiles.[5]
Diana's golden lasso also contained the power of discerning the truth.

rollin, rollin, rollin, and i ain't slept in weeks.

New beginnings don't come often to me, so buckle up as i take u on my past adventure. So this weekend I was with my numero uno chico L5 like usual...and accompanied by my boy Freaky Leaky...on Fridizzay we watched Friday. What up Craig...What up Smokey?!?! lmao...CLASSIC the way i like my Vans. Others were there...A.Austin was cakin to Swags Kreation...Mar just popped outta nowhere, and Kandekai quoted the entire movie lol. GOOD TIMeS shaw.

Now onto to the moment of truth...I think I've found a part of me I've always been confused about. I used to ponder about what I mean to the world. And the answer I seemed to always stick with is to make people happy...u know to keep the world runnin' w/ my smile. Yeah i know...that tastes like a spoonful of bullshit...but forreal lol. ANywho...I feel like i have a more meaningful purpose ever since Sat-day. So what actually went down on Sat-day u ask. I went to church...ON A SATURDAY?!?! yes fool, on a saturday. Seventh-Day Adventists attend iglesia on Sat-days aka SABBATH. Anywho...this was my first time attending Berean and my 1st at a 7th Day Adv. I admired the service the entire time and the choir caught my attention---it was just beautiful. The preacher was just awesome. Everything he was sayin related to me, and at that point in time i zoned out. I felt something come over me---the wildest thing I've ever felt. When he was callin ppl down to the altar, my palms began to sweat...my heart wouldn't stop throbbin, i couldn't hear myself think---all i saw was a bunch of ppl around me not knowing what this thing was i was feeling. So without thinkin, I hopped up, grabbed my purse, and walked down the stairs, through a double door, and was on my way to the altar. As soon and I reached the front row I sat down and put my face in my hands in my palms and started crying. I felt like I had been lost until that moment. I joined the church. It took ONE visit...Killa is a Seventh Day Adventist. Thanks for the prayer...you know who you are.

The game's sharper than a mothaf***in razor blade.

all eyez on me.

tupac, tupac, tupac...

shakur, shakur, shakur...

i wish u were still alive...

although ppl still claim u live in some Mtns...i kno it ain't Stone Mtn lol.

anyways you and Biggie mean a lot to the state of Hip-Hop and you don't stop.

Ain't nobody everrrrr have passion and rap w/ such intensity and tell stories at the same time.

Yeah, I love Wayne...and Wayne raps w/ hella emotion...he's developed as an artist I must say.

I know i just finished a blog a sec ago...but I'm listening to "all eyez on me" and i can't help but to imagine what the industry would be like if he was still around.

i'll leave it there.

-killa

"make sure your eyes are on the meal ticket, get ya money mothafucka and we'll kick it."

- Tupac

"all eyez on me"

right stroke, left stroke was the best stroke...death stroke???

aye...

i suppose it's a new year...and a new year brings new cheer...supposedly.

It's the 7th day of January, and i'm in the same spot i left off...

is that really bad? could be... who said being complex was easy.

So what happens when Complexity meets a near friend named Adversity?

Well I can name two of many options...Crap can explode in your face and leave u in a worse position than the one u started in...or secondly it can work in your favor.

but...if this is a love situation, who the eff knows what can occur...but that's another story bc I am trying to avoid any future heartaches/808's unless it's Mr. West cuz then I'll stop being so "Paranoid". But if you put me in paranoia  situations...what the EFF do u expect for one to do?

All i know is you live && you learn...that's my motto....

Live w/ no regrets b/c with each bad mistake comes a good assed outcome. 

So since I could care two left feet about New Years Resolutions...I think you should better yourself when u feel apt to. Bc how many actually live up to it anyways...lol...here go my favorites....

1.) i'm goin to lose weight

translation= i'm not eating mcdonald's for 2 weeks straight

2.) i'm goin to be in a serious relationship

translation= i THINK i want a serious relationship

the list goes on...

the point is...it takes T-I-M-E to accomplish serious goals...you have to be able to assess where you are in life and if that goal is even possible.

Achievable Resolutions

1.) To have a Job

2.) To work on a certain flaw...NOT A HANDFUL...one at a time!

3.) To eat healthier...therefore losing weight won't be a hard reach.

So what will I work on???

THAT BITCH JEALOUSY.

-yes i have decided to name it a bitch...b/c it really effs w/ my noggin. I wanna be strong all the time, but let it come to one dude that i'm seriously feelin and i see hoes jockin...i get intense inside and wanna shoot up the place...BUT WHY?!?!? the answer I don't know. But I feel if you have jealous tendencies... ur "interest" should try their hardest to not allow that to happen. And if that's not the case their not ready for you....So eff what a hater thinks...basically. I'ma be like Rocko and "...do me" b/c at the end of the day, I have myself to look at in the mirror. Live, Laugh, and Love those that do unto you.